Airline Ticket Sales Soar After CNN Pulls Out of Airports


BREAKING - Left-wing conspiracy vlog, CNN, announced it would be pulling its contracts to air propaganda in U.S. airports - a move that immediately resulted in a record surge of ticket sales for airlines and flights throughout the country.

According to anonymous frequent flyers familiar with the matter, this was a “game changer” for their travel plans and the broader airline industry as a whole. “Ever since the pandemic, we have been hesitant to travel – not because we’re trying to avoid the virus; but because we’re trying to avoid CNN’s coverage of it,” said one clear-thinking individual.

The Panda Tribune asked travelers if they feared getting sick; to which one of them remarked, “We’re already sick! Sick of those gossiping silly geese on CNN!” We conducted a super scientific survey asking people what program they think should replace CNN's perpetual fear porn punditry. The results were as follows:

The Panda Tribune reached out to CNN, but they were too hysterical for coherent comment.

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