China Identifies Batman as Patient Zero for Coronavirus

Breaking News Wuhan, China – New details are emerging out of China, shedding light on how the novel coronavirus was transmitted from bats to humans. According to the always reliable Chinese State Media, the virus was able to jump from bats to humans by first infecting a hybrid of the two species.

The widely respected and universally revered Chinese Communist Party alleges that a bat-human hybrid, also known as “Batman,” contracted the virus while spelunking in the wet markets of Wuhan. He then passed the disease onto countless other people due to his poor social distancing practices and a mask that only covers the top half of his face. However, two (recently missing) sources told The Panda Tribune that Batman was actually bitten by a radioactive lab researcher, who was on a lunch break from the Wuhan Institute of Virology. This isn’t the first time that Batman has been implicated in a worldwide viral outbreak. About 15 years ago, Batman’s sidekick, Robin, was rumored to be Patient Zero in the Avian Flu epidemic, although this rumor has yet to be confirmed.

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